Usually when we hear the word grief/grieving, we associate it with the death of someone close to us. But the truth is, people can experience grief for other reasons. Any situation that causes the feeling of loss can result in a person experiencing grief.
I believe we are in the
“grieving” process as a nation and do not even realize it. I believe we
do not recognize we are grieving because “fear” is being promoted
irrationally. This does not mean there are not things we should
fear. It simply means it is out of balance.
For those of you that do
not know the stages of grieving I am listing them now with just a short
definition of each which is only a breath of how much stuff could be identified
for each stage.
- Denial - The inability to accept the reality (truth) of
the situation initially. Knowledge (head) and emotions (heart)
just do not connect.
- Anger – Lashing out blaming others, self, and even God
for the loss. What lies behind the anger/frustration is anxiety/fear.
Anxiety and fear cause us to feel out of control, not knowing what to do
or how we will make it, what about kids, our home, etc.
- Guilt – Usually has to do with “if I had only”
statements. If I had only been there. If I had been watching
more closely. If I had put more money in savings. If we had
gotten to the doctor sooner, etc.
- Bargaining – This usually takes place when dealing with
a terminally ill patient. In the case of a terminally ill person
bargaining with God for more time. In the case of a parent bargaining with
God to take them instead of their child, etc. This stage involves the hope
that the person can avoid a cause of grief
- Depression - This stage brings on feelings of being
overwhelmed, feeling hopeless/helplessness and belief that things will
never get better. This can result in loss of interest or desire for
usual life activity, crying spells, anxiety, insomnia, loss of weight,
gaining weight, anger outburst, etc.
- Acceptance/hope – This is the final stage of
grief/grieving. It is when we have had time to work through the
other stages and are accepting a new normal. We can talk more freely
about our loss without emotions overwhelming us. The acceptance
stage does not mean we have forgotten the loss, whether a person and or other
circumstances. It just means we have moved on to putting a new
plan/options in place for our life without allowing the loss to keep us
stuck in the past.
The
grieving process is not an exact science and it does not always follow the
5 stages in the model Kubler-Ross shared in her book in 1969 “On Death and
Dying”. It has however become a common foundation for many to understand
the grieving process. The stages do not always happen in order and many times
we go back in forth between the stages and can even get stuck in the
stages. The magnitude and intensity of grieving varies between
individuals, the circumstances of the loss, personality types, beliefs systems
about God, etc.
Why did I take the time
to give you all the information on the grieving process? Because I want
you to be able to understand what I mean when I say I believe we are grieving
as a nation.
So, what are we
“grieving”? Here are just a few possibilities of many.
- Loss of freedom- The ability to come and go without
considering covid-19 to church, the grocery store, hospitals, family
gatherings, schools, nursing homes, funerals, etc.
- The ability to have an opposing opinion without being
attacked verbally, physically, mentally, emotionally, and
spiritually.
- Loss of lives to Covid-19, rioting and murder.
The loss of jobs, homes, businesses, our history whether you
agree with it or not, good, or bad it is still history.
- The loss of feeling and or being safe.
- The loss of order that has been replaced with chaos.
That is a lot of loss my
friends!
So, would you mind doing
something today as you read this? Check yourself. Be honest. Could
you be grieving? I can promise you that many of you have been in touch
with the term “fear”. It has been being instilled in us since
Covid-19 broke out. Again, we should be wise about Covid-19 it is
real, but we should not live in the fear that is being perpetuated about
it. Then add the George Floyd’s death, rioting, media, politics, and life
as we knew it is gone.
So, I took the test if
you will. I got honest with myself and I realized that I am in the
grieving process. So here is what the grieving process looks like
for me.
- Denial –. I have had days when I could
not believe what I was seeing and hearing. I still have them
occasionally. But in the beginning of this I could not believe this
was our nation. Each day I am confounded by the craziness of it
all! When I finally accept what is occurring at face value, I go
straight to the angry stage.
- Anger – I have a difficult time believing people can be
so deceived. I can get angry about how the loss of freedom in all
those areas I mentioned earlier has affected our nation. The anger
for sure has been perpetuated by all that I see and hear. I do hold
lots of government officials responsible for where we are as a
nation. Some of my anger is righteous anger as people make a mockery
of the things of God. The absolute disrespect of authority starting
with God, coming back down to governmental authority, police, etc., wears
me out! But I keep most of my thoughts to myself and immediate
family members. Which stuffing things as we know can lead to the next
stage.
- Depression – Yes, I for sure have been in and out of
this stage. Some due to side effects of chemo medicine. But
some from stuffing feelings about everything that has been going on in the
world instead of taking it to the LORD! He is such a
Gentleman. He does not grab it from us, but He is there waiting for
us to hand it over.
- Guilt – I suspect I get concerned that I am missing
opportunities to bring truth into the middle of this chaos. But then
I am reminded by His sweet Spirit, do what I can where I am.
- Bargaining – Not really
- Acceptance/Hope – About 2 weeks ago, I started going in
and out of this stage. Mostly by being reminded by His Word that He
is Sovereign, All Knowing, All Powerful, and He fights for His Children,
He avenges wrongs, and He is a shield about us. He is our Hope and
our Salvation. He is not knocked off his throne by what is going on
anywhere in this world including our nation. Is He sad, displeased,
and angry at the sin? Yes, but as believes we know how it ends and
it does end my friends. God will not be mocked!
So, can I ask you the
question again. Is it possible that you are grieving the loss of freedom
as you knew it? Are you really living in fear and or are you grieving
loss? I suspect many people are stuck in the angry stage of grief
regarding our loss of freedom. Are you stuck in any of these
stages? Do you realize grieving is happening to you more than fear?
Being able to move forward requires us to be able to identify the real
issue.
I would like to end this
blog with a paragraph from Charles Stanley’s 30 Life Principles Bible Study,
which is well worth your time if you get a chance to go through it.
And I quote, “…because
His standard it higher than that of the culture in which you live, obeying His
commands will set your apart from the crowd. In certain circumstances, it
will make you a target or scorn from the world that denies His authority.
As you strive to meet God’s standard, you might be accused of intolerance and narrow-mindedness,
or single out on social media or in social settings. The consequences can
be sever …which is why God instructs you to leave them to Him. He can
bring ultimate good from even the direst consequences.”
And remember Ephesians
6:12 (ESV), “For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the
rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present
darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.”
His, Vickie
Obey God and leave all the consequences to Him