Monday, February 16, 2015

Thank You ... and Filters Cont'd

Thank you for your patience last week on the blog.  Also, a thank you to Deb, our Public Relations Staff member, for carrying the ball late in the week.  She did give you a good clear picture of where we are for the Italy trip. And I do want you to know we had 1 more missionary sponsored this past week thanks to all of you. So we are up to 20 missionary women sponsored as of today with only 30 more to go.  Keep praying.

Two weeks ago I addressed the issue of ‘Filters’ for the first time.  Today I want to speak to that topic just a little bit more.  Please go back and read the February 3, 2015 blog to make sure you are on the same page with us as we step out today.

On the 3rd I encouraged you in the importance of cleaning your spiritual filter in regard to being available to God and in good service to Him.  This week I want to encourage you in the importance of cleaning your spiritual filter in regard to your spouse, children, family, peers, co-workers, etc.
When our filters are clogged we don’t really see and or hear well.  Information gets distorted and then we act out behaviors based on distorted information.  Last week I gave you three things that can clog our filters:  unconfessed sin, emotional wounds, and unforgiveness.

Let’s take those same three things and see some of the ways they can affect our relationship with others.

* Unconfessed sin……causes us to feel guilt, shame, and fear, which can cause us to hide and or blame others for the struggles in our lives.  Hiding in a relationship can cause us not to allow those we love to get close to us.  It prevents relational intimacy (not meaning the sexual aspect of the relationship) as does blaming others.

1 John (ESV)   If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

* Emotional wounds…..can hurt our identity. They can cause us to mistrust others, to have a wrong perspective of self, to have a wrong perspective of others, to isolate, to rebel, to attack others, and all of this leads to communication breakdowns with our relationships at home, work, community, etc.

Psalm 147:3 (ESV)   He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

* Unforgiveness....the sin of unforgiveness probably causes more health problems then we would like to acknowledge.  It eventually takes root at the core of our being and poisons us from the inside out causing a root of bitterness to sprout that clogs every pore of our filters.  Therefore, our ability to see and hear clearly when relating to others is impossible.  Everything gets distorted.  Eventually the bitterness begins to affect all your relationships.

Matthew 6:14-15 (ESV)   For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

I am not even sure where I got the following information that I have had in my counseling files for some time.  I think it came from a peer counselor many years ago.  But not sure of that either.  What I am sure of is why I kept it - because it is a good look at why people withhold forgiveness.  Hope it helps you.

Reasons Why People Won’t Forgive

1. The hurt was too great.
Forgiveness is always a gift; it is never deserved. Read Matt. 18:23-35
When people are unwilling to forgive, they don’t understand the incredible debt that was owed by them and the costly price that God paid for their sins. Their sins cost Jesus everything.

2. They don’t want to forgive because the person keeps doing it.
I Cor. 13:5. Love (God’s agape) keeps no record of wrong. This love spoken of in I Cor. 13 is God’s love (agape) and is forgiving. No one will ever be perfect, but we strive to be better forgivers.

3. Deep hurt – the memory of it keeps one from forgiving.
God can “remember our sin no more”, but unlike God, people may still remember. When Jesus said to forgive 70 times 7, this was referring to the same hurt. Sometimes things happen that are so terrible, the memory of that incident comes back. When a person remembers something he/she has already forgiven, the person must forgive the offender again. (70 times 7).  Read Matthew 18:21-22
People remain in prison from unforgiveness. Every time the memory comes back, forgive.

4. They want the person “to pay”.
Someone who got hurt and didn't forgive tends to attempt payback. Romans 12:19-21. When a person wants someone to pay, he/she may sulk or give the silent treatment. The person who was hurt may believe that if he/she forgives, the offender is “let off the hook”. This is not true; God is the righteous judge and sees all. He will be the ONE to execute judgment or vengeance. Forgiveness is not reconciliation. Reconciliation happens when 1) one takes responsibility for the hurt and 2) the other person forgives. Job 42:7-10. Receive a blessing by praying blessings on those who hurt you.

5. They won’t forgive until the offender says, “I’m sorry”. 
In Luke 23:34,  Jesus offered forgiveness before anyone asked. When people won’t forgive, they drink the poison and get sick. Anger kills love. If a person stays angry, he/she won’t be able to love. In Matthew 18:34, those who refuse to forgive will suffer consequences: they will be turned over to the tormentor (anguish, distress, etc.). Anger avoids love.    Forgiveness avoids anger.

6.  They’re too angry to ever forgive.
Eph. 4:26-32. Don’t go to bed angry, or you’ll give Satan a “toehold” (place of dwelling). Satan is able to put his tent up and his place of influence in your dwelling. 2 Cor. 2:10-11. When a person doesn't forgive, he/she falls into Satan’s trap by taking his bait. Not only does the person who was hurt and unwilling to forgive suffer in his/her heart, but also the person’s family and friends will ultimately suffer and be deviled by a root of bitterness. Heb. 12:15.

                       † Forgiveness is always a gift. Give people a gift they don’t deserve.

Love you all...

His,
Vickie

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